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Dear Reader,
I am James; I make videos, I write blogs, I record music, and I don't bite. And you should follow me.
Bests Wishes,
James Pope
P.S..... okay sometimes I bite ;)

Sunday, July 1, 2012

When sex, isn't sex.... wait what?


In the name of the fatherless son, and the wholly spiritless James Pope.
May my grace be with all of you.

In today's mass I would like to talk with you all about sex, or possibly a lack there of....

Recently upon entering my place of work, I was approached by two of my female co-workers who stated that they, “needed my male expertise on a subject,” to which I replied, “Well I am a man expert, so lets hear it.”
We dealt with the immediate customers in the store, and then retreated to the back to engage in their query. The question was posed to me as such: (nearly verbatim)

(For the sake of hiding their identities, I will refer to my co-workers numerically.)
Girl 1: So, you know when two guys have sex, there's like *a crude hand signal was made... intercourse?


Me: Yeah.

Girl 2: So lets say you have a girl that's been with 5 guys and 5 girls, would you say she's been with 5 or 10 people?

Girl 1: Because girls can't really have sex.

A general backing for their thinking was expressed for a minute or so more. They stated that because penile intercourse was not possible with two women, that essentially it was impossible for 2 women to have sex. Though they didn't use the word “impossible,” their argument leaned more towards 2 women having sex, “not counting.”
If we're being technical about it, I guess that's a position I'd have a conversation about, but before I had a chance to reply, it was quite clear that in my silence they assumed that I agreed. Probably because I smile and nod a lot, it appeared they thought my answer would be 5 people, and that I would feel that sex between 2 women does not count.
I eventually interjected with;

Me: Ummm, actually, I'd say that she's had sex with 10 people.

My statement was met with what seemed like astonishment, and a flurry of points to counter my position that followed as such: (nearly verbatim)

Girl 2: But they're not actually having sex.
I did not have sexual relations with that women.. wait does oral count?


Girl 1: Yeah like, you can still be a virgin and have oral sex. Oral sex isn't “sex”.

Me: Well it's not vaginal intercourse sex, but it's still a type of sex.

Girl 1: I don't understand why you have to put labels on everything, I prefer to think of it more as just... having a good time.

Girl 2: Yeah James, you're just thinking about it too much.

Me: Not to be offensive or anything, but I feel like you guys are kind of projecting onto me. I'm not attaching any labels, I'm just giving the scientific definition of the word. I feel like just calling it, “having a good time” is more of putting an unnecessary label on the action.
I mean lets take juice for example, (we work in a store that serves many different types of juice, so I pointed over to the different flavored machines) we've got apple juice, mango juice, orange juice, pomegranate juice, you wouldn't, because you don't like one of the juices or think that it tastes significantly different, then say it's not juice. Sex is the same way, you have “sex” which is an umbrella word that covers many things such as oral sex, intercourse, and hand jobs, but they're all sex.

At this point customers had entered the store, and instead of stopping the above statement and waiting for them to leave, I, as I do, awkwardly rushed through the rest of what I had to say in a fashion that probably came off as annoying and abrasive, though being as socially unaware as I am at times.. I wouldn't know.

The patrons finished their business, and vacated the premises which allowed us to return to our defining dirty deeds debacle. Though an interesting turn presented itself, as we were dealing with the customers; another co-worker arrived, whom happened to be a lesbian. Now for the sake of simplicity, we'll refer to the new presence as Girl 3. I headed towards the back, and I could hear that my three co-workers had already delved back into the topic at hand.

Girl 1: That's weird he said the same thing. (Referring to me, and speaking to Girl 3.)
My first reaction, internally, was that asking this question to someone who is out, specifically as a lesbian, might be offensive, given that implies that sex between her and her girlfriend doesn't count. Though ultimately it's not my place to judge and it just rolled off of Girl 3's shoulders, and my other two co-workers seemed completely unaware of the implications of their question, so maybe I'm in the wrong. I eventually responded with:
Me: I feel like it's you two that feel like... for some reason, that it's bad if you are labeled as having had sex with a girl.
Girl 1 & Girl 2 both interjected at this point, making it clear that they had many gay friends, family members and so forth, and didn't feel that it was “bad” for two girls to have sex. I am aware of a certain degree of religiosity among my co-workers, I don't know where they stand gay rights, but bringing the topic up at this time seemed to have a potential to become volatile, and well... I have to work at this place. Don't get me wrong, they very well may be pro-equality, but it was generally an off topic in a rushed conversation.
We continued the sex focused discussion, where Girl 1and Girl 2 gave arguments to Girl 3 and myself, such as; you're over-thinking it, you're taking it too seriously, and you're just trying to put labels on things. To which I echoed my previous argument of them projecting those descriptors onto us, and to my amusement, Girl 3 eventually added:

I think y'all just mad because we disagree with you.

Which was clearly what was going on, but something that I am probably too reserved to point out in that circumstance.



Finally one more solid question was put forth, which was asked to me as such: (nearly verbatim)

Girl 1: Well what if someone is just going through a phase. I mean if it's just one time, and it's not really what that person's into, then does THAT count?

Me: Alright, well what if I'm just going through a phase where I do heroin; Did I not really do heroin because it was a phase? What if I just snorted it? What if I just ate it? Well I didn't shoot it, so does it really count?

I was eventually cut off from giving endless variations of my example, and with that ended the conversation. The topic has not arisen at work, at least while I'm around, since.

So here are my questions for you all:
Do you feel that there are certain types of sex that “don't count”? If so, why? And what does “not counting” or “don't count” mean? Also, what about going through a phase? Can you go through certain phases in life where certain actions you partake in should be disregarded? I am sincerely curious for any honest differing perspectives. 
 
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